Depression

Depression… well why are we still depressed with so much research…

It’s a question I have asked myself over and over again! The medical field will always give an academia response! Well that is not always helpful! Also attending therapy is tough for so many reasons…

  • For one you know you are on the clock and that makes it feel insensitive. It makes it feel you are just a dollar sign. (Understood we all need to make a living, I am in the field so I know but that’s the feeling for many adults/teens not children)
  • When you see your therapist looking at the clock it tends to shut down the process.
    It’s expensive, using organic natural medicine can be expensive as well.
  • Also it’s a place for someone to listen to you, validate you and guide you in creating tools.
  • There is no magic, no quick fix, no medication that makes it go away. That is what the individual wants, is for it to go away!!!!
  • Medication has so many downfalls and so many other side effects. It also does not work forever and some of it is addictive! How do we win this battle of depression!?!?

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I have to disappoint you by saying that there will always be sad days but suffering from depression is crippling.

So it’s all about a combination of things but managing depression starts with US! There is no way around that, the motivation has to come from within US! A ROUTINE has to be created! Such as:

  • Getting up every morning, taking a shower, brushing your teeth and having a warm herbal tea. Even if this is what happens for a few weeks.
  • Then introducing uplifting music to your day versus silence. Starting a simple task: journaling, reading a book, painting, colouring, writing letters, or watching a lighthearted show.
  • Getting outside for a walk among nature is extremely important. Feeling the fresh air on your skin, hearing the birds sing, the smell of the trees, the feel of the air on your skin, and getting your body to move.
  • Healing your thoughts is so important and managing that song & dance we do with ourselves. It is important to navigate our thoughts, as they can dismantle friendships, working relationships and families. Getting control of those thoughts and filtering through what is accurate.
  • Today, mediation is so important. It helps us quiet our minds so we can actually see what is going on around us.
  • Looking at using vitamins such as; 5-HTP, Vitamin D, Magnesium, or *St. John’s Wort.
  • Reading self help books along with attending therapy. (Will have some links below)
  • It is so important to not smoke, use alcohol, marijuana, or other substances as it does trigger symptoms of depression.
  • Herbal teas are essential and essentials oil in your home. Using crystals on you is extremely helpful as it holds your energy. Looking at what works for you and then implementing it into your daily life. Most important be with nature whenever you can and animals!
  • Decrease in electronics such as; phones, TVs, computers and all these addictive tools! Pick up a magazines or book instead!!

Often times when we are experiencing a moment of depression, all of our views are under a microscope. We create a set of emotions that are amplified, dramatic, sensational towards a set of different scenarios. At these moments we can’t separate truth from fiction. We then lose friendships through making unreasonable decisions and unfortunately there will be those times that you will not be able to make amends. Not everyone will understand that you went through a moment of sabotaging everything in sight.

These types of situations stem from distrust created in your childhood. This is the beginning of where trauma is created. Many are not so fortunate to have had a blissful childhood. This is where you should have been protected and had an abundance of love. Often it is here the damage begins and where it leads to so many distorted thoughts. This is where many develop anxiety, depression, low self esteems, insecurities, self destructive behaviours and so forth. In saying all this…

In order to reach recovery, it needs multiple of layers. It will need a combination at times of psychotropic medications, counselling, mindfulness, yoga, vitamins, meditation, and essentially a treatment plan that works for you. This will help you towards becoming a healthy adult and one day, if this is your choice, to be a better parent! You need to rediscovery yourself, build self love, heal all wombs, be open to change and feedback!

Often times you have to look at creating a treatment plan that helps you heal. It can be built through meditation, yoga, journalling, writing, painting, mindfulness activities, adult colouring, volunteering and helping others. This list goes on but you have to find what will work for you and dedicate to your healing. Dedicate to changing the dance to a more positive outcome, as this is possible but takes a lot of work and overcoming our fears. The love you seek is through your well being. Needing to accept gratitude to begin healing depression. You most likely will always have those sad days just not daily. It is knowing to cope with that and being able to manage those days so it does not consume your months and years.

I hope that this blog will find you well! Below I will now list a few links to places I recommend and suggestions to tools:

  1. https://itsallaboutyou.ca (it has many different types of spiritual therapies, and medicine)
  2. https://www.whitelotusclinic.ca (Get trusted natural and nutritional treatments for hormone balance. Our focused practice offers supportive and compassionate care led by lab testing and research. Established in 2001, our licensed Naturopathic Doctors collectively offer many years of clinical experience)
  3. https://theherbalclinicanddispensary.com (Our Herbalists and Dispensary Assistants have in-depth knowledge of herbal medicine, including the optimal therapeutic uses of medicinal plants. We stock a very wide selection of medicinal herbs. Our herbs are of the highest quality. We source cultivated organic or wildcrafted herbs whenever possible and we try to support local farmers)
    Links to useful products:
Dance of anger          click this link o go to the book directly
Anger is something we feel. It exists for a reason and always deserves our respect and attention. We all have a right to everything we feel—and certainly our anger is no exception.”Anger is a signal and one worth listening to,” writes Dr. Harriet Lerner in her renowned classic that has transformed the lives of millions of readers. While anger deserves our attention and respect, women still learn to silence our anger, to deny it entirely, or to vent it in a way that leaves us feeling helpless and powerless. In this engaging and eminently wise book, Dr. Lerner teaches both women and men to identify the true sources of anger and to use it as a powerful vehicle for creating lasting change. For decades, this book has helped millions of readers learn how to turn their anger into a constructive force for reshaping their lives. With a new introduction by the author, The Dance of Anger is ready to lead the next generation.)
Dance of connection         Click this link to go to the book directly
(The key problem in relationships, particularly over time, is that people begin to lose their voice. Despite decades of assertiveness training and lots of good advice about communicating with clarity, timing, and tact, women and men find that their greatest complaints in marriage and other intimate relationships are that they are not being heard, that they cannot affect the other person, that fights go nowhere, that conflict brings only pain. Although an intimate, long-term relationship offers the greatest possibilities for knowing the other person and being known, these relationships are also fertile ground for silence and frustration when it comes to articulating a true self. And yet giving voice to this self is at the center of having both a relationship and a self. Much as she did in THE MOTHER DANCE, Lerner will approach this rich subject with tales from her personal life and clinical work, inspiring and teaching readers to speak their own truths to the most important people in their lives.)
Dance of Fear          Click this link to go to the book directly
(Unhappiness, says bestselling author Harriet Lerner, is fueled by three key emotions: anxiety, fear, and shame. They are the uninvited guests in our lives. When tragedy or hardship hits, they may become our constant companions. Anxiety can wash over us like a tidal wave or operate as a silent thrum under the surface of our daily lives. With stories that are sometimes hilarious and sometimes heartbreaking, Lerner takes us from “fear lite” to the most difficult lessons the universe sends us. We learn: how a man was “cured in a day” of the fear of rejection – and what we can learn from his story, how the author overcame her dread of public speaking when her worst fears were realized, how to deal with the fear of not being good enough, and with the shame of feeling essentially flawed and inadequate, how to stay calm and clear in an anxious, crazy workplace, how to manage fear and despair when life sends a crash course in illness, vulnerability, and loss, how “positive thinking” helps – and harms, how to be our best and bravest selves, even when we are terrified and have internalized the shaming messages of others.)

I hope this blog finds you all well and that you are able to take something that will be useful for you.

“Don’t rush anything. When the time is right, it’ll happen. A ruffled mind makes a restless  pillow.”

Love LucyLu

Depression

Depression is a life journey… tomorrow will be a better day…

Family: childhood

I dread living in the past or thinking of the past as it often brings me to tears. This is always the moment that I realize I still have a lot of healing to do and that is okay.

Let me state I have actually done a lot of work on myself through therapy, meditation, yoga, essential oils and so forth… it all works together and YES there will be those days or months or years that you just get caught in that cycle of trauma. That is okay, as our tool box of strategies will pull you out of that dark hole. Once you believe in yourself and love YOU that gets you through those dark moments.

This is the song and dance we do from time to time and what helps me get through it is the confidence in myself and my positive self talk.

During these moments: I step outside in my bare feet and step on the cold floor and feel all the sensations. I then affirm the love I have to be alive, to see the blue skys, to hear the sounds of the birds… this grounds me. In this moment I am able to shift my thoughts to positivity and use my strategies to get me out of this gloomy feeling.

I MYSELF have many disappointments in all areas, my own deep traumas but I know they do not define me but are my journey and success to overcoming those moments and individuals!

We live in a place where there are triggers everywhere, so acknowledging those feelings as I have done today, deal with those feelings and move along for the day.

Today I decided to share within the moment, of my sadness and how I work it through without much of the details, which I will share with you… along the way of our journey together.

My line of work was no mistake for me and I made an oath to aways do this work through love and not through my own experiences, as no one situation is the same. We may connect through a similar event but the strategy and feelings will be different.

Though I have my studies, my own struggle through this life journey is what helped me connect genuinely and try to understand the walks of others. It has made me be able to always check my own emotions surfacing when working with young people and to listen to their stories.

Never underestimate your knowledge, wisdom and impact you have of those that cross your path. A caring gesture truly goes a long way.

  • The earth was my grounding, positive affirmations and meditation music.
  • A show of the jungle and connecting to the sounds of the animal kingdom helped me smile and know it will be a better day tomorrow.
  • Reading blogs of others on WordPress helped me connect with others with similar stories.
  • A favourite cup of coffee, some banana bread and alone time.
  • I placed all my diffusers on with lavender, 🍋, 🍊, and bergamot.

I hope this finds someone having a sad day and that these strategies may help you through today!

“Everyday brings new discoveries” unknown

“My future days of this weekend: have a daily walk, take a photo of nature and smile at a stranger! “ Lucylu

Calmness is a huge gift. And once you master it, you will be able to respond in a useful way to every difficult situation that decides to walk into your heart!

With Love 💕 ,

Lucylu

anxiety, Parenting, Uncategorized

When life throws you 🍋’s ….

Hi everyone I am actually going to share a personal story with you all… a bit melancholy, heavy hearted but with a peaceful ending!

Since I was a child I dreamed of getting married and having 4 children, YES, 4 children! Well I conceived NONE!

At the beginning of my 20’s: I entered into the field of Child and Youth Practitioner. I have always wanted to be a positive influence on our youth of the world. I feel grateful in having been able to make an impact on so many youth throughout my 27 years in this Field of work. I have no regrets… ever… I have always gone beyond my job and helped in many different ways. I did this work from love and came from the mind frame that you should think of these youth as your own. Of course always keeping boundaries still in place. I decided to wait to have children of my own, as I wanted to give all my time into helping our communities, such as; volunteering my time, going the extra mile with youth I worked with and being reachable off work times. It is how I see the work and still believe when you decide to work with children and youth it has to go beyond the job itself. I have too often met people in my line work that I believe should have never entered into this field. You have to love the work and at times it comes with a sacrifice. That is my opinion and always will be.

So then the day came that I decided I am ready to have my own family so I begun teaching my philosophy to other Child and Youth Practitioners to dedicate their time through love! So I could slowly let go but not completely!

Well, life does not always go as you plan! I will say this… I had a true love in my teens that lasted for almost 10 years but things got messy and I got my heart broken. Unfortunately, the things that young man did, were not forgivable…. we all have these stories! It is a part of our journey! This is the time I decided to be on my own and dedicate my time to community!

Then I arrive at my early 30’s… I begun a new relationship that lasted for 5 years. Now…. this relationship after the first year… in my heart I already knew… it will not work but I went against all my spiritual energies. I tried to make it work…. why…. you say? Well I got caught in the need to have a family, I wanted a family and how am I going to have a family if I do not make this relationship work!!!!! My biological clock was ticking loudly… I started to panic… I want to have children! Well I had to leave that relationship and in the end I won’t stay with someone just because…. so now what do I do? I am now 35 years old and my heartbreak begins.

I did meet someone that I love and am still with today. I had made a decision I am not going to rush into this relationship because I want kids, as relationships are a process and sometimes it just clicks and other times it takes time. So when we begin to try to have children I was now 40, my thoughts were I should start by connecting with a fertility clinic. Only because it was not that common in the generation before me to have kids so late. For me… this is where I went wrong!!

Well the process of doing fertility was not something I ever imagined and I had no idea how this works. I did ask friends about it but it was not something that was really spoken about.

Well, I learned on my own… and my community of supports became very small.

Here is how it begins: I would be scheduled an appointment for 7am but only would be seen by 9am, IMAGINE that, they packed as many women as they could within that time frame. How do you get to work on time? You have to come to these appointments once a month and you become anxious all the time.Well I did not do well at all in this entire process. I felt like a cattle waiting to be poked by so many strangers and during the process these nurses do not explain anything. When I would ask questions it is explained so quickly and you feel uncomfortable to state that you are not understanding the information given. I was so overwhelmed and felt so alone. Also these environments were so cold, robotic and had a lack of compassion. I am aware today things are better and there is a lot more support being offered to women who have trouble conceiving.

Well as the time passes and no baby, I was now turning 43. I was emotionally drained, depressed and angry… so I stopped everything. I decided if it happens on its own it will happen. I ponder about that decision….. I am not sure if it was the right one but for my mental health it had to be.

On a s quick side note, our world is dedicated to families and parents. Everywhere you look it is about the ideal family unit: in commercials, holidays, statutory holidays, news, movies, radios, within your circle…. if you have no children, WELL, you start to feel like an outcast. Think about this for a moment… imagine walking in those shoes and now pay attention to the world around you…

It would not be a very kind world for those who were not able to conceive and wanted a family. The reminders are everywhere as you try to come to terms with this information or choice.

The topic of adoption, WELL, my partner is not open to that option and that choice you can not force unto others. I also am not going to end my relationship because of that!

Also your intimacy completely changes, you only want to engage in sex when it is time to ovulate. Oh boy, if you miss having sex during ovulation….. you are so angry and hatred builds! As now this is being forced and being timed. This has a huge impact on your relationship and you start to blame each other. Within your own relationship you begin to feel isolated. This is when I started to build anxiety, depression and isolation.

I would mention my feelings to friends and family but everyone goes quiet or do not have much to say. The older generation kept saying…. “ Ah, do not worry, you will get pregnant. You are young.” That would be the end of that conversation.

I also discovered that some friends had gone through this but this was a taboo topic, so you were pretty much left on your own to figure it all out.

The women who initially struggled but fertility becomes a success, WELL, their intentions are good but their sympathy is the hardest. As they feel they have a right to share all of their experiences with you and let you know they understand and can relate.

What those individuals do not understand is that those feelings become different as joy, love and peace now kicks in and that changes everything. FACT they were able to conceive a baby…. I am not! No one can understand unless they are walking the same shoes as I am! It is no ones fault but a tough walk!

I was left to wonder why would this happen to me… I did become bitter, envious and full of anger for some time. I never really knew what these feelings felt like and boy are they ugly. I did not like the person I was becoming at all.

Well I don’t have an answer for that and nobody ever will. It will always just be unknown and for me my body failed me. I have come to accept this and have learned to love life without a biological family.

What stays in my head are what people did say: HERE is the LIST of things said from too many people; both to myself and my partner!

Statements were: Well, what fertility drugs did you do? Well maybe you didn’t try hard enough. Well you guys have been fighting a lot. Well why don’t you guys just adopt. Well I know how you feel as I went through the same feelings. If you really want kids then you shouldn’t be selfish and think of adopting.

Lucy you gotta try everything to conceive or you will regret it. There is no other feeling like it. HELLO, of course I would have no idea I didn’t conceive and I was trying. Famous statement: this is a miracle baby, and GOD has blessed me with this child. They never took a moment to acknowledge who they are saying these statements in front of… I have come to realize when people become parents, they truly became wrapped in a dome bubble! The rest of us must watch what we say about their children… I am sure I would have been the same in some ways.

OR statements as these: you just do not get it as you don’t have kids….. no shit sherlocks! I even came to know that my partner was told; well get a younger girl, if you leave her you can still get a child…. I told him I didn’t want to know who said that to him, as I’d HATE these people who I most likely have fed at some point. IMAGINE it’s assumed that the women is the issue when in fact you just actually do not know that. This part really hurt my feelings and I just thought, wow humanity can be cruel…. well look at all the suffering all over the world and what people have done in war… truly it should be no shock.

See what I mean by, you are left to mourn your loss on your own! Unfortunately, this experience has isolated me and I tend to spend more time alone. This actually made me realize that we live in a superficial world, most people do not care and you gotta be your own best-friend, always!

My heartbreak became about humanity as I have always gone out of my way to be there for others but that is just who I am. I am glad to be that person and have accepted that not everyone will be that way. I am not going to change that about me as I like that about ME. I also know kindness in the end wins and sometimes for the most part… really people do not know how their friends/family are really doing. Hence the rise of suicide, we do not pay attention or listen enough.

Lastly, why you feel like an outcast, well you are no longer invited to parties that include kids or any birthday parties unless it’s your immediate family…. it would have been nice to have had the option to attend or not attend as some years were easier then others. This all created some detachment and distance. Today, I am nor here or there with attending these events.

In sharing all this does not mean I do not adore my friends and family, as I do and always will. It just opened up my eyes and made me tougher to battle disappointments! I have also forgiven all these hurts and let it all go. I never confronted anyone as it was not intentional and I concentrated on me.

On the positive, my sister and sister-in-law all have kids. So I did get nieces and nephews that I adore to the moon and back!!! I have 1 niece and 3 nephews. I spend as much time as I can and attend all of their events! My sister-in-law is a wonderful soul as I get to tuck the kids into bed, help them with their homework, watch movies with them, attend their shows, when they were little change them, help educate them, and it has been a gift to be so involved! My sister, well that goes without saying, she is my little sister and would have no choice but to have me involved!!! She had her own struggles so I do not invade any special moments! This is her first child so it’s a little different but he is the most precious little munchkin! So I have been fortunate and you have to find every moment as a grateful moment! There are a few others in my life with kids that have me involved with no expectations! I look forward to guiding them, loving them and seeing them grow into their characters! I will always be here for them and involved in their lives!

So the good stuff… How I recovered….

To all the support systems please remember this…

  • Offer to accompany your friend to the clinic
  • Pop by randomly to see how they are doing
  • Listen to their story and make more time to be around.
  • Have them involved in your children’s lives but also respect if this is difficult for them.
  • Send your friend a card, give them encouragement.
  • Make them not feel they are alone. Let them know you care.
  • Be kind with your words and acknowledge their struggles.

Coping skills I created to get through this heart break so I could live a happy life:

  • I learned to depend on myself and I met new people with similarities. I embraced those who reached out to me. My longest friend Joe, who is my best friend, spent the most time with me. My friend Steve always remembers to take me for car rides and my friend Jen well she is a great listener! They were a part of my recovery, they just do not know it!
  • I joined a yoga studio and embraced stillness! I found that movements help heal energy and fill your soul.
  • I implemented mindfulness and gratitude everyday. I wake up, go outside, plant my feet and state three things I am grateful for. This triggers positivity throughout your day.
  • I meditate daily and listen to meditation music every night.
  • I eat healthy and try to put all good things into my machine!
  • Seeing a natural-path doctor who introduced me to homeopathy remedies called rubimeds (This therapy helps to connect the mind (psycho) and body (soma) allowing our unconscious emotions to be brought up to our conscious awareness and processed and moved out of our bodies.)
  • Involved in journey therapy where you unleash your emotions and move forward.
  • Essential oils, teas and vitamins. That I have shared throughout my blogs!
  • I did a lot of self discovery through retreats and trips by myself.
  • I built a stronger foundation with my partner and we now communicate our feelings and we are friends first. I am thankful for that growth. We were able to get through so many obstacles by standing by each other at the end of it all.
  • Dedication to self improvements and self love!

I have always struggled with moments of depression throughout my life and more recently with anxiety. I made a treatment plan for myself as healing and happiness has to come from you. You have to be invested in yourself! I still use lots of my coping strategies and have moments that I get sad about not having children but I have recovered and accepted this reality.

I am learning to live a different life by meeting new friends, older friends, and being open to new things. I enjoy me through writing, sharing, painting, scrapbooking, travelling, reading, making cards, volunteering, working and so much more. I learned I am important with or without children. I learned I need to live my best life and want all my friends to be involved in my life, as well as my family. Allow yourself to cry when you need too, accept your emotions and then move forward. I hope this story reaches those who need it!! Please read this entry of mine with kindness!

Here are some links to my clinic where I see my natural path, and journey therapist: https://itsallaboutyou.ca

Thank you!

LucyLu

anxiety

When I see a bench…

I love grabbing a cup of coffee, my journal and heading out among nature. The moment I find a bench, I sit and begin people watching. Have you ever done this? Hahaha… We all have, humans are so interesting to watch due to their many unique traits. 
Well, as I sit on my bench... what I enjoy most is having someone notice me, and within that moment... we both smile and share a friendly smirk! That small interaction changes your entire day. I notice that I will have a bounce to my walk, a smile on my face, and a positive attitude for that entire day! If only everyday started this way, RIGHT? 
Well, we all know that this is not always the case, there are moments when we wake up with ANXIETY and oh boy does that change the day! So lets talk about anxiety; at times it can definitely make us over-react, have negative self-talk, feel anxious, nervous, uncomfortable, uneasy, isolate ourselves, worry, make tons of assumptions and this list just continues to grow as the day proceeds. WOW, in saying all this, out loud it makes you realize how tough ANXIETY can be. 
So before I continue I want to TELL you, please be KIND to yourself and realize living with anxiety is by far an easy task. Hey, if this is you, well of course you wake up exhausted! You are dealing with an invisible struggle, that our world is at times unkind about. We live in a time that states to us all that we must be HAPPY, well, that is not always so easy to do. With social media always lurking, RIGHT, it even makes it that much harder. I don't know about you but social media always paints such a pretty picture, which influences our thought's at the beginning of our day. 
Today, this is an added stressor for too many of our young people, they have a lot more pressures to deal with and this is a consistent reminder of how unperfected their life really is. Today... I am glad I didn't grow up with social media mainly because it eliminated one less problem to worry about! As the journey of life is a beautiful one but not an easy one! 
This is the fun part, I share with you some strategies: take a break from all social media platforms, start with an hour, two hours, 4 hours, 8 hours and then a whole day. Pick up a good book, call a friend, go for a walk, get outside, watch a show/movie, take a bath in Epson salt and lavender oil, listen to meditation music, try yoga, do some breathing techniques, colouring and paint. Here are some suggestions to increase happiness: do things that increases your happiness, get sleep, eat well, exercise, forgive yourself, enjoy the small moments, do not compare yourself to others, and give to others your kindness/compliments/help. I ask you all to try some of these strategies. These strategies help calm the brain and nervous system. It helps distract your thoughts and helps your mind to begin to feel positive, which in fact decreases your anxious feelings. 
The key is you have to try, make the changes and see which ones work. I continue to make changes all the time and I have become use to change. I do not like change but I love watching the positive growth more. My goal in this life is to achieve happiness and I am now willing to try anything that helps to make me feel better! I encourage you to start somewhere... at least you start. All change truly starts with us and it takes a lot of work. ARE YOU NOT WORTH IT, the answer is YES you are!
With Kindness,
LucyLu

“When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere.”

“Music comes from an icicle as it melts, to live again as spring water” -Henry Williamson

Music is medicine for your soul, take a moment and try some calming melodies throughout your day!

With love,

Lucylu